Same Sex Relationships and the Teenage Years

Adolescence is a period of developmental changes. The most noticeable changes are physical. Girls begin to grow breasts and have a regular menstrual cycle. Boys begin to develop facial hairs, have a deep voice and begin to produce semen. So for the first time in his or her life the teenager begins to wonder what is happening to him or her. I encourage parents to be closer to their children at this time to answer their questions, to support them and to allay their fears and concerns. One of the most important concerns is their sexuality. Most teenagers would fantasize only about the opposite sex while a few teenagers may consider same-sex relationship as an option. For those who think about same-sex relationship as an option I encourage you to give it some time and seek professional help before making a decision. The truth is that you are not developed enough to make a decision about your sexuality. Meanwhile you may have friends of the opposite sex not ‘girl friend’ or ‘boy friend’ for the reason that you are not yet an adult and you do not want to complicate your life at this time.

The way to manage your sexual fantasies is to concentrate on what interests you like music, drawing, computing, entrepreneurship, public speaking, science, leadership, or writing. These creative and investigative outlets are more stimulating than sex if you could give them a chance to manifest in your life. At the proper age get married and raise your family in love, care and happiness. I am not a professional but I do not think I need to be one in other to guide a teenager that is battling with his or her sexuality because I am a parent. A family member of about 19 years old once posted on Facebook that he is gay. In consultation with my wife we advised him to remove the posting and he did. Our reasoning was that he was not old enough to determine his sexuality. We found out later that it was his way of coping with a recent breakup with his girlfriend. Today he is a father.

Your sexuality is very important. It is not something to be taken lightly. You could bring children into the world and that requires responsibility, compassion, love and the proper values to raise the child. I know society has made sexuality seem commonplace but for you it is still a sacred event and I encourage you to plan and prepare with your eyes open and your reason intact. If you take it lightly with your eyes closed, it could destroy your life. But if you understand it, prepare for it, plan for it, fall in love and get married, you could have a fulfilled life. These are the same thoughts I share with our children and I encourage you to take them seriously. Our world needs moral leaders and I am counting on you to be one of them!

If you are having sexual problems and you think that you might be gay or you are thinking about sex all the time, please by all means do not keep it to your self. Confide in your parents so that they may get you the proper help that you need. However if you are constantly thinking about sexual pleasures at an early age I encourage you to think more about your interests. There is a time for everything and your time for marital bliss will come. For now it is better to build your future by developing your talents and gifts than to waste it on sensual fantasies. But whatever you are feeling it must be part of your body. If it is part of your body others have also felt it and dealt with it so there is nothing to be ashamed about it but the sooner you get professional help the better you will feel about your body and your life..

I first met a gay person in my sociology class at Indiana, Pennsylvania in the eighties. At the time I did not know what to make of it. I could not believe that anyone would prefer the same-sex as a life partner and coming from Nigeria did not prepare me for the experience. For me it was natural to be attracted to the opposite sex and that any other tendency was abnormal. But after reading more and more of these stories I have come to accept that we may be connected on a spiritual level but our tendencies might be entirely different. However, my caution centers on respect and human dignity. Let your relationship be based on Love and love alone and if you are a bisexual decide and define where you belong.

For those who oppose homosexuality because it is a sin against their Gods, as written in their sacred texts I encourage you to do more research on the subject, involve your heart and make an effort to understand the subject. In this way you may react with love when it happens in your family! My take on Sacred Texts is that you must be really naive to think that your sacred text is the real word of God or the only sacred text. The truth is that sacred texts are more like the word of a father who is about to die and decides to write down his thoughts and experiences on how to live a good life as a guide to his son. But my dear friend, God is not about to die and surely God is not dead! God is within your heart and if you really want real answers consult your heart, not books!

There are those who think that homosexuality is an illness and some practitioners have healing clinics to turn homosexuals into “normal” human beings. Many of the clinics are organized by religious organizations because according to their belief homosexuality is an abomination toward their God. In this case it boils down to if you believe in their God or a different God. However this is your life and your life alone. If you are using homosexuality to cover up something else like my family member seek professional help immediately. Further if you are shy before girls and are using homosexuality as an escape you are mistaken. There is nothing to fear or worry about in your relationship with a girl. Just be yourself and your girl will appear at the proper time or whenever you are ready. Lastly if you know that you are indeed a gay person so be it! Here is a quote from Sigmund Freud:

“Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it cannot be classified as an illness.” Sigmund Freud (1935).

Finally for those who want more information on the subject I encourage you to read about homosexual behavior in animals. The study is not conclusive but that did not prevent the American Psychiatric Association and other groups for citing it in the brief to the United States Supreme Court in Lawrence Vs. Texas which removed sodomy laws from 14 states. In conclusion what is at stake is not really about homosexuality but about freedom, individual freedom within the limits of our laws and if you support individual freedom learn more from the following quote originated by Martin Niemöller:

They came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Thank you for your time and Make each moment you live a moment of love, peace and happiness for yourself and for everyone you meet.

Great Sex Tips for Couples

Looking for some ideas to spice up your sex life? Here are five super sex tips for things to try with your partner that will be sure to get the passion flowing.

  1. Visit a swingers club. Bet you didn’t think we’d throw this one in first. The fact is, swingers clubs are not intimidating places at all and you certainly don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to. There also won’t be rampant sex in your face everywhere either; most have a bar or relaxation area, with the ‘action’ taking place out of sight. You’ll meet some friendly people and, at the very least, it will give yo some new things to talk about in the bedroom at home!
  2. Try outdoor sex. A secluded beach or forest can be a great place for fun sex. Just take a blanket or two and find a place where you won’t be disturbed, although the thought of being ‘discovered’ can give an added thrill to the adventure.
  3. Make your next holiday ‘clothing optional’. Resorts with nude beaches are growing in popularity, and for good reason. They can really add some sensual flavour to your holiday in the sun. Most are couples-only (or at least adults-only) so you don’t need to worry about gawking teenagers or strange men making you feel uncomfortable. Many people, once they have tried nude bathing, never go back to wearing swimsuits!
  4. Watch an erotic movie together. I don’t mean porn, but the ‘soft’ porn erotica you can rent from the local movie library. There are some fantastically sexy movies which unfortunately have become rather overlooked since the flood of hard core pornography on the internet.
  5. Talk through your fantasies when you make love. While you’re already aroused during sex is a great time to cast your inhibitions aside completely and tell your lover your deepest sexual fantasies. Every healthy adult with an active sex life has fantasies, so it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Even if you’re a bit shy, you might be surprised how positively your lover responds and, who knows, it could be the start of some new sexual adventures for you both to explore together.

Really exploring the boundaries of your sexual relationship with your lover can do a great deal to strengthen the loving bond between you. Push beyond your comfort zone a little and you never know, it might open up a whole new world of excitement

Love, Sex & Relationships – Monogamy is Unnatural & Responsible Non-Monogamy Can Save a Relationship

It’s difficult for many of us to see how responsible
non-monogamy can save a relationship; fears and
misconceptions about this emotionally touchy subject
can interfere with understanding how it can be beneficial.
Although non-monogamy is not for everyone and is not
always appropriate, below is a comparison of monogamy
and responsible non-monogamy. Note: cheating, lying,
unsafe sex, and promiscuity are not part of responsible
non-monogamy. Complete and radical honesty with your
partner is, and that seems to be what’s most threatening
and challenging to many of us.

With the custom of monogamy, you own each other, sort of
like how you own property. Your partner is yours and if they
even look at someone else the wrong way anger and jealousy
are common.

With responsible non-monogamy, a couple accepts that
owning the rights to each other isn’t love, but possessiveness.
What about the possibility of one of them falling in love with
someone else and abandoning the other? This can happen in
any relationship because you don’t need to sleep with someone
to fall in love with them. Furthermore, it seems that when two
people are destined to meet and fall in love they will,
regardless of whether or not they are single or involved.

With the custom of a traditional commitment and monogamy,
falling in love with someone means that fantasies (such as
“together forever” and “you are mine for the rest of my life”
and “grow old together”) become expectations, and when
they aren’t met it results in disappointment, heartache, anger,
and even divorce.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple tends to accept their
relationship as it is rather than how they want it to be or how
it’s “supposed to be.” They realize that if their relationship
fades or their partner falls in love with someone else, that’s
the way it was likely destined to be. If your relationship ends,
wouldn’t you rather accept that there is a more appropriate
match out there instead of pretending that your existing
connection is “the one” forever?

With the custom of monogamy, when someone cheats it is
kept secret. Because monogamy and honesty are often
assumed in relationships, both the cheater and the person
being cheated on are at risk for contracting STDs. According
to statistics, over 50% of men and women in “committed”
relationships cheat on their partners. Is assumed monogamy
realistic or safe?

With responsible non-monogamy, because there are no sexual
secrets, a couple is more likely to discuss and practice safe sex.

With the custom of monogamy, based on the above statistics,
the illusion of monogamy is much more important to many
people than honesty.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples, on the other hand,
place more value on radical honesty because truthfulness
brings them closer together. In light of this, responsible
non-monogamy could potentially reduce the divorce rate
and introduce a deeper level of honesty in relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, it’s common to blame
an ex-partner and their affair for the reason why the
relationship didn’t last. It’s interesting to note that the
policy of strict monogamy is never blamed in these
situations, yet many who cheat appear better suited for
non-monogamy. Truth be told, some people (both men
and women) feel like caged animals in long-term
monogamous relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, the topic of exclusive
intimacy often is not discussed, but is usually expected.
Is this always realistic or even reasonable, especially when
you know the person has strayed in previous relationships
or sense he or she isn’t the kind of person who would be
happy being sexually exclusive with one person for the rest
of his or her life?

That brings us to related topics: Can we honestly expect
sexual passion to last decades in all relationships? Also,
what happens if one partner loses interest in sex or if one
reveals, years later, that he or she really doesn’t like sex and
wants to avoid it? Masturbation is not a good long-term
substitute for sexual intimacy.

With the custom of monogamy, you are supposed to be
attracted to your partner and only your partner. If you have
desires for or fantasies about someone else, even if you don’t
act on them, they are kept secret. This form of dishonesty can
drive a wedge between couples.

With responsible non-monogamy, the couple acknowledges
that we are all human and an attraction to someone else,
especially during a long-term monogamous relationship, is
natural.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple puts their
commitment to each other and their relationship first so
an attraction to someone else is less of a threat. It is natural
to feel insecure or jealous if your partner is attracted to
someone else, and it’s going to happen whether you’re
monogamous or not, but when a couple is open and honest
with each other about the subject it’s a lot less likely to
cause a problem.

What about children, you ask? Some responsibly non-
monogamous and progressive couples create a “commitment
contract,” where financial arrangements and planning
covering possible scenarios (together for 5 years, 10 years,
20 years, etc.) are agreed upon prior to marriage and before
children are conceived. A new concept? Hardly. Ancient
Egyptians had 5 and 10 year marriage contracts. If mutually
agreed upon, they would renew. Although it’s not easy to
address the subject like you would a business matter, it’s
much tougher to do so later in divorce court. If two people
are unwilling to confront or unable to agree on these issues
before marriage it’s a red flag for their longevity as a couple.

With the custom of monogamy, sex is love, and if your
partner has sex with someone else, they’ve betrayed you
emotionally and it must mean they don’t love you anymore.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that while
love can be expressed through sex, sex in itself with a
secondary partner (if okay with all involved–including the
primary partner) does not have to diminish the love already
established with the primary partner, nor does it put the
primary relationship at risk, if the primary connection is
solid. Something real cannot be threatened. This idea is
similar to having one best friend and many good friends;
you don’t expect your best friend to fulfill everything for
you that many friends do.

With the custom of monogamy, often it’s “No cheating or
else!”

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that giving
such an ultimatum is about as effective as telling your teenager
never to drink alcohol. It’s more effective to discuss the issue
and to have a “no punishment policy” for your kids if they
call you for a ride to avoid driving drunk or to avoid riding
with someone who is drinking and driving. Similarly, such
a policy for responsible non-monogamy will encourage
honesty and can strengthen the commitment.

Lastly and most importantly, if we cheat, even if no one finds
out, negative karma is incurred and we set ourselves up for a
similar situation to “happen to” us in the future. Whatever
action we take will, in time, come back to us, so even though
radical honesty in relationships may be difficult it is often the
best policy. The eyes of truth are always watching us.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo